How do i convince my mom into getting my tonsils out?
Kid…if you need to convince your mom that you need your tonsils out, maybe you should also convince a few reps down at Child Protective Services that you need your mom out.

Does anyone feel tired when they wear contacts?
I do…but only when I wear contacts AND drink a 5th of Nyquil.

How can I get over feeling guilty about someones death?
Step 1: Don’t kill someone.

Could I lose weight by eating less?
Eating less what? Industrial sized canisters of lard? Bacon wrapped pork knuckles? Just kidding! I seriously doubt what you eat has any bearing on your weight at all.

Smoking Causes what..?
Coolness. Smoking causes total coolness.

How to get a six pack?
If I wasn’t so drunk from so many six packs I could remember how…

Vagina Discharge FEMALES ONLY!?
I hope females only! I’d hate to meet the poor guy with vagina discharge.

Should I shave down there?
Down where? The basement? South America? I don’t think it matters where you shave.

Has anyone tried the “calorie shifting diet”?
Yes. You take calories and shift them away from your fat face.

Did I just break my toes?
If you typed this with your toes, I would guess…no.

Do I have the swine flu?
I’m no doctor, but…yes. I’m pretty sure you have swine flu. One good thing about swine flu is that it’s very easy to diagnose over the fucking internet you idiot.

How Much Weight Will You Loose By Eating Under 200 Calories a day?
All of it.

My daughter suffers from chronic constipation. Is this contributing to her yellowish and sallow skin color?
Yes. You should immediately put her on a strict anti-constipation diet consisting of cheese, red meat and Play-Doh.

Is it bad to never eat breakfast?
According to a very scientific study done by The Fruity Pebbles Institute, it is VERY bad to never eat breakfast. In fact, you should eat breakfast several times a day, and even set your alarm to get you up in the dead of night for a short breakfast before breakfast. Your breakfast should include Fruity Pebbles. The study also says that.

I have a bump on my anus?
That’s a turd. You forgot to wipe.

What are tampons and pads?
Tampons and Pads are a fantastic girl band from the mid-80’s.